if you intend to have a bad day, you will get one. 

however, if you intend to have a good day, most likely, you will not get one. why is this the case? if i think “everyone will be rude, something will get lost, and how much money will that take away from my already empty checking account?” it is almost certain that one of those issues will arise. let’s say that i intend to have: a) a good day at work, b) a lovely late lunch with my friend, c) a delicious dinner and maybe a movie, chances are that i will be late, somebody will cause a raucous, food will be wrong/cold/late, and traffic plagues me worse than flies on an ancient Egyptian under the wrath of the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob.

possibilities:

1) either i am totally self-centered in believing that my life should be anything BUT plagued by flies or other miseries.

2) people lie, and there is LESS good than evil alive in the world. people are naturally wicked and they constantly slip into their states of depravity every 5 seconds.

3) the world and all it’s trappings is actually degrading, degenerating, deforming, losing control, losing balance, running out of time, dismantling, separating, breaking, and NOT evolving into the higher, supreme, fantastic, perfected, completed, balanced, and enlightened as many cults, ideologies, and theories would have humanity believe (the purposes of drowning our culture in these faulty beliefs regarding the present and future state of earth are numerous and all very dark, i’m sure). 


i understand that people want each other to have a great day, but i do not find it appropriate for people’s neurotic needs to be fulfilled in and by others’ attitudes or appearances. “SMLE!” they shout. no, you smile. you fake it. why must i change my facial muscles and body language to fill your needs? i am not your friend. i don’t particularly like you. shh. move along, now. my good day has nothing to do with another person’s attitude UNLESS they attack or hinder me on my quest to have a good day. you may very well be sick with the pox, have the burden of dead relatives on your mind, and hate the universe and all that is in it, but as long as you are civilized and humane, i will go on having a good day.

options:

1) intend to have a good day, no matter what other people may be feeling or doing around and to you = risk seeming unsympathetic and a general bastard, but retain your happiness and your will.

2) intend to have a good day, until somebody who is down in the dumps comes along = give up your will and become enmeshed in (mostly) trivial pursuits or discussions.

3) intend to have a good day, until an abuser comes along and you must interact = get over things as quickly as they appear, or die trying.

4) die trying. your soul is wounded a little. you will probably carry this wound for a while. it is quite possible to meet this same abuser or instance of abuse in the near and aggravating future. 

5) intend to have a bad day = have a bad day.

6) intend to have a bad day = have a bad day except in the rare and holy case of eucatastrophe. 

which shall it be? nobody wants #3 - #6. if you choose #1, it will be dashed to the ground before noon (assuming you are awake and in the world before 11:00 a.m.) and morph into #3.

the big question is then: how do i give up my will with grace and kindness, stave off an attack without draining too much psychic and physical energy, and/or learn to let these worldly cares flow over and around me like a breaking wave?

the bigger question remains: why is it a wave and not a puddle? why are there always waves? never any calm? we ride over, dive under, or are consumed and broken by their breaking - yet still they come. more and more. relentless waves.


some hate and fear the sea, for they can not subdue it. 


so there it is, then. control. why do we need control? should we offer it up? if so, in part or in whole? which parts? if not, then how does one deal with the fact that waves are relentless? certainly, pretending their persistence is of no real harm is a falsity. trying to master them is futile. 

who is in control? for how long? to what degree?